It's what you give

Spent the day in San Diego with my best friend and this quote came up in one of our many conversations about life and where we're headed. Later on as we were walking from beach to beach in La Jolla, we saw it on a plaque. Perfect photo op!

Bright Girls

Psychology Today is one of the few magazines I will read cover to cover. Their website is a total guilty pleasure - so much material, sorted by date, topic, author, whatever. I stumbled upon a gender-related article on there last year that really spoke to me: The Trouble with Bright Girls.

The author, Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, starts out by stating, "smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they'll have to overcome to be successful lies within."  My initial reaction was, she's absolutely right.  And I could think of many bright women in my circles to whom this applied. I didn't think it applied to me until I read on.

"Bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice."

The author cited some research which showed that not just girls, but smart girls, tend to give up on challenging projects or goals more often than their male counterparts.  The boys actually worked harder on projects they found challenging, resulting in more success.  So what's our problem? It starts as soon as we are born, and continues into our formative years, when girls are more likely to be coddled than boys. (This is a whole discussion in itself.) How many times were we told "good girl" for our good behavior? How much do you think we internalized that? I must be naturally "good" at this, or conversely, NOT "good" at this. Well, I could come up with a laundry list of things I gave up on, or worse, didn't even start just because they didn't come easily - easily meaning, pretty much placed in my lap.

I gave up on my childhood dream of being an architect because I got a B in Trigonometry (the horror!). I gave up running track freshman year of high school because I got sick the first week and couldn't finish a full practice. Like I wasn't going to get better?  Seriously, what goes through my head? God forbid I get challenged every now and then! If these are just some things that I gave up on, think of the potential being wasted as the rest of us sit inside our comfort zones doing the exact same thing.

What are some things that you have given up, just because they didn't come easily to you? What are you afraid to start because of the challenge?

Bad to worse to awesome

I travel. A lot. Given a choice, I would rather drive somewhere than fly. Nothing beats an open road, open windows, and a killer playlist. Except when you get pulled over twice in one week, in two different states.  Suddenly it's probably better to hire a pilot. 

A few weeks ago, I was en route to Lake Placid, New York, for a speaking engagement on college fundraising. Hot off a hefty ticket in Virginia the week before, I was hyper-aware of my speed as I drove up. I'd set my cruise control for the entire 6 hour sojourn into the Adirondacks, adjusting as appropriate for curves and posted signs... except for one. Cop gets me for 51 in a 30 and I have to call my husband when cell reception comes back to give him the good news. I don't like the Adirondacks. I have never liked the Adirondacks. In the back of my head I'm dreading the next two days here as I await another (likely) failing exam score.

Naturally the trip only got worse, as I battled a shirt button that refused to close, an overflowing toilet, and an exploding soda bottle that caused a blood-sucking black fly party in my car. Note to self: wearing bright white cashmere was a poor choice. When my phone (and map app) decided to freeze on the way home, I nearly lost it. I had to have failed this exam because there is clearly no turning this week around.

The next day was score release day. Score release for the exam is web-based, so I plug in some personal information and hit the "refresh" button periodically, meaning every 45 seconds. Somewhere around 4:15 on Friday afternoon the refresh button unceremoniously revealed a passing score and in a split second I was officially done with the exam. All that crap that just happened - now totally worth it. Thank you, Lake Placid.

 

Photo: Mirror Lake from the Golden Arrow Resort, Lake Placid, NY.

What are your three passions?

I started 2014 in a rut. I had just failed yet another part of a licensing exam I've battled since grad school. I planned to devote my holiday break to preparing for a rematch, but a work deadline crept up, followed by two back-to-back jobs in cities farther North than anyone would dare travel in January.  The test had to be pushed back to February, and if I didn't pass the remaining two tests by August, I would lose credit for the two I already (painfully, somehow) passed. All I could think about was some invisible clock ticking for me, and how 2014 meant nothing but another year spent living like that.

On New Year's Day, taking a break from my computer screen, I opened a Dove chocolate Promise - must stop eating so many of these - and read the inside wrapper, "Find your passion." Ha. As usual, maybe next year.  I stuck it on the fridge anyway, and started thinking about it.  Do I even have a passion? No joke, I Googled the definition of "passion".  The definitions varied by source, but by and large the word referred to a strong feeling about something. I Googled some articles about finding your passion. In the event that I ever conquer this exam and have the luxury of looking for some "passion" of mine, how would I find it? The articles suggested that to find your passion, you make a list of the things you like to do in your free time. When you get time to read, what do you read about? What do you frequently search on the internet? What do you appreciate in every day life?

Answering these questions was easy. Deciding on only one thing was not! I pulled out a notebook and wrote the numbers one through three down the side of the page. Let's make this easier - what are my three passions? Immediately I filled in each line: freedom, clothing, and female empowerment. I'm not one for New Year's resolutions but I decided to devote 2014 to pursuing all of these. It's June now, and I've made some really great progress. Every day, I think of this list and ask myself how my daily activities are helping me pursue these three things. Knowing that I do have passions, and the ability to pursue them daily in some small way, is really inspiring.

So, what are your three passions?