Sources of Confidence Part III

Long delay, but here's the last of my Sources of Confidence posts:

Family, as discussed in Part II, means friends too. Who do you surround yourself with? I read a great quote once that I can't remember who wrote. The author said this:

In my leadership journey, the most important thing that’s mattered to me are people. I’m basically the cumulative investment of a lot of people who have taken the time to mentor me, to sponsor me, to coach me, to open doors for me. And when they’ve opened doors for me, I’ve run through them. I haven’t hopped. I haven’t skipped. I haven’t walked. I’ve run through every single one of those doors. And there’s no way I would be here without the people in my life who have really supported me along the way.

So true. Who are your "investors"? Have you taken the time to thank them lately?

Sources of Confidence: Part II

Upbringing and schooling - aka family. This is the confidence source topic I'm most afraid of talking about, but it's definitely the number one reason my confidence is considered above average.

I was raised in a conservative Catholic household. Despite the popularity or necessity of a dual-income-family, my mother stayed home. She was fortunate - rather, we were fortunate - that she could. My father worked hard outside the home, and she worked equally hard raising and educating us. In fact, we were homeschooled.

When it came to nurturing confidence in this area, I saw two factors at work: First, our traditional family structure reinforced the male provider/subservient female bias that comes from a patriarchal belief system. In any religion, you're either in, or you're a rebel. Part of my confidence is sheer rebellion, a fight to do the complete opposite of traditional. I remember a conversation with my father as I was nearing college graduation and registering for grad classes. He was speaking about his hopes for my future, which ideally included marrying a man successful enough to allow me to stay home and raise children. I got so angry that I was nearly in tears. Why was I paying for grad school, busting my butt in a rigorous major, working multiple jobs, and commuting to night classes, when my ultimate disposition (as tradition would have it) meant throwing it all away? It made zero sense to me. I was going to reject the system.

However, that very same system brought my parents to homeschool me. Homeschooling put me in front of adults more often than peers. I socialized with family, and kids on the street, but at the end of the day, any meaningful conversations happened between me and a parent or employer. The flexible schedule opened up opportunities for work and extracurriculars at uncommon hours, and I got comfortable managing multiple responsibilities. By the time I entered college, I felt (and acted) like an adult, at least more so than my peers. Professors picked up on that and invested time in me. Conversations turned into relationships, and relationships turned into a web of connections. With a strong network behind me, I have the courage to try anything. I'm not afraid to, because someone will always have my back. That's confidence.

I don't think I would be at this point without the upbringing/schooling I received. My parents know this, they accept me whether or not I take a traditional path, and I thank them all the time for the confidence they gave me.